Exodus

Diary of a Square Jawed Legionaire: Day 3

Dear Diary,

Today I watched my companions all dive off a cliff, attempting to hit the ground, and miss. I also saw the king out headbutt a goat man. Then we went into a drainage tunnel, steep, wet, and smelly, down to sump at the bottom of the quarry.

Except, of course, it was all slimy organic ichor, that fluoresced…and erupted with massive bloated versions of the goat-men. The king smashed one, which exploded, blowing up two more. It hurt. Goat entrails stink.

I woke up in the arms of the king. Wait, that doesn’t sound right. He fireman carried me out of the fight.

Today, I ran into a giant horny beast and thrust deep. Wait, that didn’t sound right either. I stabbed the big bad evil thing with my spear and killed it in one blow.


Dear Diary,

Today we emptied the treasury to repair the walls and I got a sudden promotion to General of the City of Ariven. This cannot bode well.

We returned to the city to learn of a killing spree against the minority gnome population, apparently perpetrated by our new Treasurer. After the faceless lady calmed them down, we learned that the local house spirits were dying. Apparently not the Treasurer. I hate investigations.

Today I learned that illusion magic is like a blanket, but not a very comfortable one. Grim described it as thick, knotty, and lumpy, like an old duvet.

Today I learned that it is a bad idea to talk about dead house spirits in a barn. The worms will come for you. And the rats. And the sheep. And they’ll laugh. And its creepy. And you’ll have to set the barn on fire.

Being a General sucks.

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